We believe we understand ourselves by first being understood.

Understanding shame, the inner critic, and the protection underneath them

Shame can be brutal. Sometimes it's loud: Why did I say that? Why am I like this? I should have known better. They're going to think I'm ridiculous. I need to fix this. We can hear the criticism and know exactly what's happening.

But sometimes there aren't words at all. You just want to disappear. Your gaze drops, your body gets smaller, and suddenly you want to leave the room, end the conversation, delete the post, take back what you said, explain yourself, apologize, or somehow become less visible.

And sometimes shame is even quieter than that. Someone gives you a compliment and you can't quite let it in. Someone gets close and suddenly you want distance. You make a tiny mistake and spend the next three hours replaying it. Someone's tone changes and you're immediately searching for what you did wrong. Or you're about to do something that matters to you and suddenly a voice appears telling you all the reasons...